I chose to focus on the White Lie. I have mixed feeling for the authors descriptions of what a white lie is. I agree that telling a small untruth to help someone feel better is ok. Many times someone you know just needs a confidence boost, and who doesn't like a compliment? I would tell my own mother that what she cooked is delicious, because I love her, and I don't want to make her feel bad. If I didn't have a good relationship with my mom, I would still say the food was good, because I don't like to say mean things to people, even if I disagree with them. Truth can be ugly, and I believe the majority of people like to be nice. But I disagree to call it "an act of subtle arrogance." I'm not trying to decide that it's best for my mom to always think her cooking is good. That's not what my subconcious is doing. I have emotional ties to the person, and think that has a lot of say in what I tell her.
And regarding the sergeant in Vietnam who lied about the soldiers death, there were emotional ties there, as well. I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but what if the family DIDNT want to move on to a new life? Who assumes that everyone needs closure? Maybe the general public think it's a good idea, but that comes back to the argument that a white lie is someone deciding what is best for someone else.
Personally, I think there's no harm in white lies that make someone feel good, or keep someone from getting hurt. And now I'm wondering if maybe the term "White Lie" should get a new definition. Not be classified as a lie. Maybe it's more of an 'emotional response.'
Hi Carrie,
ReplyDeleteThe white lie is the most difficult lie to unpack because, as your post has argued, it's tied to politeness and, in many instances, it's the expectation and rule, not the exception.
Based on the sergeant's example, it's clear that Ericsson doesn't think anyone should decide what's best for someone else. The difficulty with this example is that we don't know the family's response. We don't know if they were destitute and needed the money; we don't know if they preferred not knowing. We only know what each of us would prefer if we were in that situation. But I think that's Ericsson's point; the sergeant didn't know what the family would have preferred. He made his decision based on what he would prefer. He didn't give the family the option of deciding for themselves.
There's seems to be a difference between telling your mom her food is delicious and the sergeant lying about the soldier's death. At least in my mind there is. Ericsson might argue that I'm just hedging...
Thanks for your insights!
Take care,
Lauren
Hi Carrie,
ReplyDeleteI believe the white lie has it's pro's and con's as well.
Telling your mom how wonderful her food is doesn't harm anyone;in fact it is just an act of kindness in my opinion. Not is it just an act of kindness but it does have emotional affects as well. I also think a lot of people as the definition states tell "white lies".
On another note telling "white lies" when it comes to a death;as the story tells, I firmly believe that isn't something to mess with. The sergeant should have let the family decide rather than taking things into his hands and make his own decisions.
I agree that there are two different points here. A white lie can be harmless and a white lie can also be harmful depending on the situation.
Thanks,
Dina Dodd
I agree with you that I don't think white lies are an act of subtle arrogance either. I think they are just short answers to get the best and fastest results. I can also agree with you on the soldiers story, but at the same time it's not the Military's responsibility to say what route they should go. I know I'd rather now the truth, than be waiting around with hopes. Especially if it were my son or daughter. It would tear me apart to know my child was missing. No amount of money could calm me in that situation.
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